Transformation, or An ABBA-tape in my car

Lately I think very clearly in my car. I didn’t use to have one. Now it is my transporter, my little tortoise house, my red metallic accompanion. Filled with sand from the beach, three pair of shoes, a few yoga mats, a towel, a bikini, and an old ABBA tape that is my rescue in the tunnels where no radio reaches, it is somehow a «safezone» for me, where my thoughts can flow freely.

I am thinking about transformation. I am thinking about what it actually means to me. Ashley Ludman is inspiring me to get going, to dive deeper, to ask life for the changes I need. Since some time ago I really started to project new images. And I ask myself if it’s possible to be both the beamer and the screen. I used to feel myself as a «victim», and things and steps only happening, without any reason, or without any active decisionmaking from my part (read ‘heart’). I saw myself inmersed in dreams for the future and nostalgic memories of the past. Yoga, therapy, a lot of reading, travelling, and lifeinitself, are slowly leading to a shift in my view point. And it seems I am slowly making it happen, letting it happen; to be an active participant in my own life. In Yoga there is a lot of talking about transformation. Does that mean that we all need a change? Isn’t it good like it is? Why do we always ask for more, for less, for different? I guess our spirit is in continuos search for a deeper meaning, some call it freedom, some our true nature, some the Divine. I think Divine is free and true, and Nature is what Is, and what we need to look after. Whearas the soul thinks it needs some sort of security and attachment, the spirit is longing for freedom, and that is our battlefield. We can chose to see it as a struggle, or as a dance between opposites.

It might seem silly, but my little red car, has lately given me some insights. It gives me freedom to move around this beautiful island where I live, and it gives me the security that only a metallic non-soul item can offer. I speak to myself as I drive, and it might be that the car doesn’t have a soul, but I do think there are spirits inthere, who somehow come up with new ideas and viewpoints. I don’t feel alone, just a little confused.
I still think about transformation, and I ask myself for acceptance of those things I cannot change in this very moment, and power to do change all that I wish. For a more fulfilled life, not only for me, but for what will come after me. I ask myself to open more, to more and more possibilities. I think that is what transformation means to me right now; to understand, accept and enhance all the colours of the butterfly. I used to stay as the silent caterpillar, but years ago I started to feel the urge to unfold. Maybe that is the innate urge for transformation that inhabits both butterflies and humans. It might be more confortable to never do that, but for many of us, it is unavoidable. I think transformation is unavoidable.

When our spirit asks for freedom, and the soul asks for security, the answer is Love. And this is my transformation: to open my wings, let my roots search in the deep mud, and my buds birst, accepting also the wrinkle and not so colorful parts. Maybe the beamer is the Divine source, and unfolding is to understand that we live through and in the Divine, and the Divine lives in us and loves us. The screen I think now, is more our scene, our battlefield, and we are what is happening, what is being projected.

I turn on the lights, the movie is on, there is no screen to roll up, but skin, soul, body and spirit to be touched.

And a red little car who takes me through this journey.


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